 |
| Three hairy things. |
--------------
PET'S
CORNER. (person's of a sensitive nature should read no further!)
CLICK!
As
you may, or not know, we have dogs, beautiful, fluffy, staggeringly
hairy dogs, bitches which I prefer to males - as they can be less
bothersome in some regards, sometimes. Rough collies. They are
beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, cuddly and wonderful.
They
are also vile, revolting, amazingly intelligent whilst simultaneously
really astoundingly thick!
I
suppose this means, they are DOGS!
Maeve
for example, is a lovely creature, beautiful, intelligent and as I
said above, 'as two short planks' (according to my completely
accurate world view).
Possibly
she is hormonal?
Maybe
the cold weather has affected her sense of smell?
Whatever,
she has gone through a period of eating ahem, non-edible, non-food
stuffs which are regrettably associated with (probably) male dogs who
share the same daily walking circuit. (ie 'droppings')
Having
eaten the inedible not to mention unspeakable, she has proceeded to
return home and vomit her guts up in various rooms of the house.
This
has stimulated a severe urge in me to chase her through the house
with various murderous implements whilst screaming "Die
you stupid *$!&$!", or words to that effect.
I
hasten to add, these violent brainstorms have been confined entirely
to my head where they merely raise my blood pressure.
(Okay,
just occasionally I may have said "Arrrgghhh!" in a loud
voice.)
My
wife, ever a calming influence in my life informs me that when she
was young, one of the old sheep dogs in her village was known for
eating coal and handkerchiefs, and the old farmer who owned it said
they needed to train it to shit on the fire. She laughed and I
didn't.
The
dogs are aware that my saying "Arrrgghhh!" in a loud voice
means that I am not at all pleased right now and Maeve, oh dear Gods,
Maeve will try to eat the offending deposits in order to clean up.
She then instantly feels most unwell and naturally vomits again -
whilst being chased through the house as I attempt to stop her moving
about.
This
dietary aberration has made her very sick indeed.
The
answer I have found is to keep her on a lead at all times when out
walking.
She
is not keen on the restriction but her health has improved remarkably
since I started doing this.
I did
try briefly letting her run freely again once she was better and blow
me, the same problem arose again, so now she walks on the lead ever
hereafter and all is well more or less.
Note.
By chance I met a fellow dog walker whilst shopping at the
supermarket the other day. We exchanged greetings, enquired as to
each other's health and as always said "And how are the dog's?".
We both related copious information concerning our canine pets and
she told me that her dog never touches animal droppings, rather it
eats compost given half a chance! Dogs, Why do they do it?
But I
digress.
NICER
THINGS (readers, you can look again now)
CLICK!
In
the deepest depths of winter, which have just barely relinquished
their grip upon us, we were driven to purchase a small fan heater for
the games room as the night light method of heating just wasn't
cutting the mustard as it were.
CLICK!
Being
a modern, though basic cheapo model, fan heater it has a safety
device built in so that should it fall over for whatever reason, it
turns itself off.
This
is welcome. And it goes
CLICK!
China,
the other beautiful, fluffy, intelligent exasperating etc dog has not
the slightest idea as to how to play with a ball in the garden
despite much encouragement, but she has discovered how to play with a
fan heater.
You
nudge it and it goes "Click!"
NB
You do not knock the heater over, no, no ,no!
You
just nudge it, it goes "CLICK!" and you can nudge it again.
"
CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK!"
This
gets mummies and/or daddies attention, which is amusing to a dog!
She
has also learnt how to nudge Christine's right arm whilst she is
working on the computer. This also gets mummies attention of the
'annoyed but also endearing' type, causing such comments as
"Oh
China, yes we do love you, you are very nice, why don't you nudge
daddy instead?"
China
wags happily, the operation is a complete success.
Why not check out my parents business, Raven - they offer all kinds of weird and wonderful new age and magical goodies. Head over to www.facebook.com/RavenMagical
No comments:
Post a Comment