Thursday, 27 August 2015

You Know You Need It


Well gang, here I am again, taking the Blog of Thog hostage for yet another one of my whacky musings. Don’t let my west of the Atlantic demeanor fool you folks, because I am after all here to sell you on a new ideology that will soon be taking the world by storm. What I am talking about folks is the newest, the greatest, the last thing you will ever need, and the first thing you will truly want. Yes folks this is the newest craze that can only come from your friends at Whacko Inc. Whatever can this crazy person be talking about? Well let me tell you in two simple words, Absolutely Nothing.

Now that I have you desperately wanting to find out more about Absolutely Nothing, I must first give you a demonstration! You see it doesn’t slice, it doesn’t dice, it doesn’t make a sound, no, you see this new craze doesn’t go fast, slow, up or down. The only thing that Absolutely Nothing does is its greatest asset. It doesn’t lull you into a false sense of security, it doesn’t eat you out of house and home, no you see Absolutely Nothing doesn’t need any flashy gimmicks to sell itself, because it is what it says, and it means it too. When exactly was the last time you bought a product that was was 100% authentically what the merchant told you it was?

Now for a limited time we here at Whacko Inc. are willing to sell you not one, not two, not three or four, but an entire dozen of Absolutely nothing for the low introductory price that is absolutely impossible to believe. What would you pay for all of this? Well would you pay $29.95? Of course you would but that isn’t the price! How about the paltry sum of $19.95? What about $14.95? No we aren’t here to cheat anyone out of their hard earned money, we are here to sell you 100% pure, pharmaceutical grade of Absolutely Nothing for the fair market value of $0.00* and look at these free gifts that we send along with it!

If you respond to this offer in the next 4 minutes and 24 seconds we will throw in a free supply of Imaginary Stuff**, but that’s not all! The first 4 and a half people will also get a year’s supply of Empty Space***! Don’t be afraid to ask about doubling your order, and just pay a separate processing and handling****. You know you want it; you know you gotta have it, so get your Absolutely Nothing today!

*Introductory price of $0.00 is good up to but not during your first phone call
** Imaginary stuff has been known to cause delusions and or mental illness
*** Empty space is not available in San Paulo Brazil where no empty space can be found
**** Processing and handling cannot be displayed because of the possibility of heart attack

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Hearthstone crashed

I was playing the popular computer game Hearthstone the other evening, and after a couple of hours took a short break, When I returned to the computer room I discovered that Hearthstone had crashed.

It did, however, invite me to explain what I had been doing when the error occurred.

So I told it.

Another reason why you shouldn't drink coffee. It crashes your game.

Hope that was useful, Blizzard.



Saturday, 22 August 2015

Exploding Kittens is here



After such a long time, Exploding Kittens finally arrived today.  I blogged briefly about this game a while back, and now it's here.  It's going to be fun :)


Thursday, 20 August 2015

The Pub

All the essentials for a good time in the pub - a pint of "Seven Deadly Sins", a Bill Bryson book, and a plugin keyboard.

So, the other evening I repaired to the local public house for an evening of jazz which initially appeared to consist of three people watching a man fiddle with a double bass, but eventually the other three got their act together and the group launched into some rather pleasant music. Geeky note: When the band launched into a decent rendition of "The Way You Look Tonight", I immediately thought of the finale of Deep Space 9, when Vic Fontaine sings it to the crew the night before they separate.


Periodically a man (the singer was female, or at the very least a very convincing facsimile) said something in what was possibly french over the microphone, and every time he did this he was met with applause, I'm not sure if. it was the content of.his speech or if it was just so impressive having someone speaking a different language in Hull, but nevertheless he was consistently met with a great deal of enthusiasm.

An interesting point of jazz is that, unlike other forms of music, within a jazz song a goodly amount of time can be spent with only some of the instruments in action, and it was fun to watch the rest of the band try to entertain themselves during these parts. The singer was quite good at this, whenever it. came time for a double bass solo she would gamely bounce along, the keyboarder, however, he looked bored to tears whenever he had to take a time out.

The evening was only marred by my phone running out of power, despite it assuring me that 8% of battery was plenty for a whole extra day of usage, in practice it took less than half an hour for the phone to tell me "You have 30 seconds before I shut down", resulting in a frantic bit of typing and pounding the Save option.

Lies.

Before I left a total stranger came over for a fistbump - which had to be provided!

In other news, I've had an idea - you may, now and again, get a piece of junk mail offering you a new credit card, or loan, or some such thing.  Well, I've written a letter.

A letter with a liqueur coffee decision tree, no less.

And this letter can go in the freepost envelope provided by the company. The letter thanks them for the offer, and in return tells them what wonders they can find on my blog (yes really). I look forward to entertaining thousands of financial support workers, who must be desperate for any kind of entertainment that they find even this enjoyable.

Monday, 17 August 2015

Liqueur coffees

For anyone who didn't see me become unusually active on social media last night, I had some liqueur coffees.

They look cunningly like normal coffees, but with a bit spilt and the cap of a Captain Morgans Spiced Rum bottle next to them.

I was watching Star Trek VI, everything was quiet and they seemed like a good idea.

Later on I needed snacks, so I went to the garage.

And I picked these.  The twix seems reasonable, but I'm not sure about the chewable milk flavoured sweets. We've got curdled milk for free right in the refrigerator.

Why does the "GIANT STRAWBERRY FLAVOUR" bar need a mouse on it?


Anyway today I decided to analyse this anomaly of "the more liqueur coffees you have, the more it seems like a good idea to have one more", and summarised it in the below handy flowchart.  Perhaps you could print it out and keep it at work as a useful reminder.






Thursday, 13 August 2015

I'm big in Palo Alto



Today I got an email from TripAdvisor, thanking me for being one of the most popular reviewers in Palo Alto, the Californian city between San Francisco and San Jose, and birthplace of Silicon Valley.  Apparently I've got 2,705 readers!

Interesting really, because I've never been to Palo Alto, and I've contributed a total of 6 reviews and 19 ratings to TripAdvisor, almost all of them about places in Yorkshire in the UK (excluding the rating of a magic museum in Norfolk and a Benito's Hat joint in London, which is the best place in the world for burritos - says the man who has never visited Mexico!), so all I can assume is that thousands of Silicon Valley workers, tired of the Mediterranean climate and the Digital DNA sculpture, decided to descend upon Hull and try out the delights of venues such as Pave (which is awesome).

All I can say is Welcome to Hull guys, we've been waiting for you.  And don't forget to take some chip spice away with you.





Sunday, 9 August 2015

Water

Not that I would ever mention the rivalry that some people think still exists between Yorkshire and Lancashire - after all, the Lancastrians did beat us in the War of the Roses (at least that's what Wikipedia says), fair play to them.

Still, at least we can actually drink our tap water without having to boil it.

Cheers!

(Full marks to the BBC for the news headline below - I like the well placed apostrophes!)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-33833340

And to keep up the Yorkshire bias, the 3 Yorkshireteers have put up a new music video - enjoy!



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