A Space Story - Part 3

I hope that you've been enjoying the start to our sci-fi epic being produced between Tim Clark and I, it's time for the next piece! If you want to catch up on the previous parts:

Part One - http://www.mikeraven.co.uk/2018/03/now-live-journey-part-one.html
Part Two - http://tim-thingsastheyare.blogspot.co.uk/2018/03/a-space-story-part-ii.html

“There’s definitely something down there,” Lieutenant Send commented, his eyes fixed on his sensor displays as they had been for the past five minutes as the Tillerson cruised towards the large asteroid.
“Hang on,” he added.
“What is it?” Captain Danger asked. For all that this was an exceedingly dull mission, he could help but get just a little excited.
“A comet with a very high metallic content just passed the asteroid. Irregular orbit.”
“Do comets usually have very high metallic content?” Danger asked the science officer sat behind him.
“Occasionally,” Officer Landale said with a shrug, “we’ve had various reports of these in the past.”
“Hmm.” Danger commented, tapping his fingers on his armrest. He needed a snack.
“Distance to asteroid?” First Officer Konetkov asked.
“Just over twelve thousand kilometres,” the helmsman replied.
“Can we get a visual on the probe? On the viewscreen?” the captain asked.
“I’m pinpointing the location and transferring to the main screen, sir.” Send answered.

The screen, which had been showing a view of most of the asteroid, flickered and changed to show a particular bit of the asteroid. There was something there, sat on the surface, that definitely did not look like it belonged on a asteroid.
“Can we compare that object to our database?” Danger asked. He was aware that he was asking a lot of questions today. It was almost as though he was out of his depth.
“It’s far too big to be a probe, captain.” Landale said with the know-it-all demeanour of an Ohio State graduate.
“So what is it?” Konetkov said, rising to her feet so she could stand closer to the screen. Everyone knew that she could do with glasses, or laser eye correction, but no one dared tell her.

The words tumbled from Danger’s lips.
“It’s a ship,” he uttered, the expression on his face making it look as though he was surprised at what he was saying.
“It doesn’t look like any Earth Spacefleet ship, captain.” Lieutenant Send, objecting. Danger frowned at him - he could be annoying sometimes. Plus he was taller than him.
“It’s not Earth Spacefleet,” the captain said. He turned to the engineering officer at the back of the bridge, who was trying to look busy.
“Please confirm that all sensors are recording, and that internal ship cameras are recording. Earth Spacefleet Procedure Three Two Two is in effect.” he said, swiftly running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to comb the thick graying locks into place. He suddenly wished that he had had a shower that day.
 Konetkov turned to him and held up a finger in query. “Sir, Procedure Three Two Two is the process of recycling human waste tanks for water generation. Are you sure that’s the one that you want?”
Danger growled, and prodded his control panel to bring up a list of Earth Spacefleet procedures. “Two Three Three!” he barked.
Everyone on the bridge suddenly became very professional, and very sharp.

It was down to Captain Anthony Danger of the Tillerson to speak the next, potentially historic words. He took a last drink of his cold coffee to clear his throat.
 “C&C,”, he said, “Activate external communications, and commence broad spectrum extra-terrestrial greetings. Let’s say hello.”

Doughnuts not donuts

I'm disappointed to see that Mr Clark of Life, Explained has disparaged this fine blog, suggesting that it is only fit for use as fish and chip wrapping, whilst the shortcomings of his American blog are obvious.  Allow me to illuminate you.

For example, in his latest blog he uses the word "airplane", which as we all know should be "aeroplane".  Worst of course is the use of "donut" as opposed to "doughnut" - the item is made out of dough, hence doughnut. Donut sounds like an instruction to be violent.

Nevertheless, I'm sure that Tim's blog would be good enough - just about - to wrap a hot dog in, with sauce and onions of course.

I can only summarise that Tim is sadly suffering from the Dunning-Kruger effect.  Thoughts are with you, Tim.

Reasons why the UK is better than Ohio

Well, I just felt like listing a few of the things that make the UK better than Ohio.

• The UK is twice as big as Ohio (242,900 sq.km versus 116,096 sq.km)
• The UK has far more population (65 million versus 11 million) making us far more productive
• The UK's GDP is far more ($2.79T versus $0.53T)
• We don't have dogs that pretend to be doctors
• Our workforces don't run on doughnuts
• We don't dip our fries in slushies
• Home Depot, Target, Kroger, and Walmart sound like esoteric destinations to us
• We don't wear buckeye necklaces
• We have proper pies, gravy, and sausage rolls

Consider this an opening salvo Tim.  I look forward to your response, I imagine it will be freshly composed using your new iPad Pro.

Mike is on Holiday and Life Explained Takes The Reins

While I'm doing the holiday thing, my good friend Tim from Life, Explained has stepped up to write a guest post.  Take it away, Tim!

My friend Mike is on a holiday. I am not sure where he went, and since I am writing this now (not now, like at the present time, now like weeks ago, probably) I am not even sure when he went. Still, Mike is my friend, we have been blogging friends for quite a while.

Which makes me wonder why he didn’t tell me where he was going, was he worried I would show up at his hotel. “Hey, Mike, here I am with my family, and the people I work with. And the guy who runs the donut shop where I get my “coffee.* We just stopped by to see what you were doing.” Would that be so bad?

Of course he didn’t even tell me when he was leaving. Perhaps he thinks I will go to his house and drink all his beers, and tea, and eat all the pastries and cakes. Which might not be a bad idea considering how little Mike thinks of our “friendship.” If it weren’t for all the flying over all the ocean (two of my least favorite things) to get there.

Still, good friends are hard to find, particularly when they live in the UK and don’t want to be found. Then it approaches impossible. And Mike is one of my oldest blogging friends.

Mike, we are going to go to the Smoky Mountains in a southern state in the fall. Beautiful country, moonshine liquor, boiled peanuts,** a peaceful cabin nestled deep in the forest, Friendship Falls and their version of Loaded Fries, and the comfort of an evening rain shower every time we light the barbecue grill. It is almost heaven. Why don’t you stop by. It is just location redacted.

Your “friend”

Tim

*Secret wife fooling code for “Donuts”

**Whatever you do don’t eat the boiled peanuts, I am convinced it is a joke, and they just laugh at the Yankees as they take our money.

Note from Mike: For the record, I have little idea where we're going on holiday, it involves me driving and my wife giving directions.

The Scariest Page on the Internet

It being Saturday night and me having the house to myself (save for a sleeping child - don't worry, it's my own, I haven't kidnapped anyone) naturally, like anyone normal, I'm blogging.  With a gin and tonic to hand, after all it is Saturday evening!

I decided to write about the scariest page on the Internet.  Now, before I reveal what it is, what do you think it is? Write it down, I'm going to ask you to stick it in the comments (so that way I know that you've read this page!)

Now, what do you think it might be?

A right-wing (or left-wing) news website?  A website that talks about medical illnesses?  Perhaps something from a terrorist organisation?

No, no, and no (although I'm sure all those things could be unpleasant), because the thing is, all of those sites you can simply choose not to visit, and then they're not scary.

But the one that I have to visit, whether I like it or not, is...

The blank page in Blogger when I'm about to write a post.

I set myself a goal to blog every other day.  For regular readers, you'll know that this never happens, but it's a goal that makes me feel guilty throughout the week when I haven't written a post, and spurs me on to write.

Tonight is a case in point.  I have the ideal opportunity to write, with no distractions (except for the rapidly disappearing gin and tonic), but what do I write about?  Tomorrow is "tell an old joke day" but that's tomorrow so I can't write about it - or at least publish the post - yet.  I haven't done anything really worth blogging about today, except go in a swimming pool and be hot due to the weather (and I've done posts on risking my life in four foot of water and surviving in a heatwave recently)

I have wiped up an amount of mouse poo, because where we live is near to some waste ground where mice live, and they periodically invade the nearby houses for shelter and food, and they have to be dealt with by whatever method the house inhabitants choose, but I don't really want to blog about that because it's:
a) about mouse poo, and;
b) whatever method of rodent control I choose to employ, it'll upset a proportion of people

So, I'm writing about not having anything to write about.

You see, as a blogger (and I naturally assume that all bloggers have exactly the same view as me, because it's a lot easier to empathise with people in a world where everyone thinks the same as me), the reasons I blog are multiple, but come down to:
1) Because I like to write
2) Because I'm lucky enough to have a pleasant audience, and I love attention
3) The faint possibility of fame, riches (I particularly like the idea of riches) and free exotic holidays
(Side note to any holiday companies reading - I would be delighted to receive any offers of free holidays, exotic or otherwise, in return for a blog post. Maybe even a video.  Essentially, I'll do anything except give you money)

But the bugger of it all is that you actually have to write stuff. Engaging, interesting content (oh yes, we all love the word "content") which is so good that people don't just enjoy reading it, they share it, and their friends share it, and before you know it you're surfing on the top of a viral phenomenon about how the entire world has read a post ruminating on why butchers at markets have sound systems to broadcast their offers across the neighbourhood.

So you write.  And write.  But if you're anything like me, you may get a little frustrated that your fascinating post about how you drew on your partners leg on Valentines Day hasn't actually quite made national news, and you start reading blog posts with titles like "FIVE EASY WAYS TO BOOST YOUR CONTENT!" and "HOW SEO MADE ME A MULTI MILLIONAIRE AND I WAS ABLE TO BUY MY SON A PONY!"

Of course, all these posts are by some smiley git in a suit...

Not this smiley git in a suit. This was a marketing pic for Hull College from far too many years in the past, I think the tie still fits me so I presume that I'm still as relatively thin as I was then...

The person in question will look like a very healthy and fit person in their late twenties, and be a social media specialist who has worked around the world for top companies in the FTSE or NASDAQ or whatever for the last twenty years, making them the household names that they are today.

Meanwhile, the post is always a top ten, or top five, or top whatever number list of actions to take to make your blog beloved the world over (and that's because people like lists, and yes I make lists sometimes too), and the post which the social media expert has written will be along the following lines:

FIVE - CONTENT CONTENT CONTENT!!!

Without the content you ain't got no readers, son.  Damn well write the best thing ever written in the whole WORLD!

FOUR - PROMOTE!

But that ain't enough, no sirree.  Get that dang thang promoted.  Everywhere.

THREE - CONNECT WITH OTHER CONTENT CREATORS!!!!!!

Oh my, haven't you done this yet?  Simply go and visit every blog, video, and podcast created in the known universe, and become that persons best friend.  And then say to all your best friends that if they don't like and share and subscribe and like and share and comment and subscribe that you'll die of chronic lack of breath.

TWO - USE THIS APP / WEBSITE THAT I'M AFFILIATED WITH!!!

Now use this app or website that I am affiliated with, because it'll do something absolutely magical to your content, and even though everyone was already reading/watching it on their computers, this will actually make your content burst into real life and drama student will spontaneously act out your content in the street.

ONE - READ MY E-BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For my AMAZING secrets of how to get that last person on Earth who, for some godforsaken reason, hasn't seen your content, to see your content and declare you leader of the human race.


And what happens?  You try all this stuff, and sod all happens.

But you know what?  Blogging is a great hobby, even if not one other person in the world reads what you've made.  You wanted to be a writer?  Guess what - you're a writer.  When you talk to people at parties, you can genuinely say that, and they'll look at you with admiration and warmth, because you're a writer.  Well done.

And the most important thing is the people that you meet along the way of your blogging journey.  The end of this post is a bit of a love fest, partially because I've finished my G&T (and it makes me feel better about monologuing about myself for so long), but also because these people are just a few of the genuinely really good and well worth reading bloggers that I've encountered over the years.

Life, Explained - by my good friend Tim, Life, Explained is funny, bizarre, imaginative, and sincere all at once.  Just watch out for that Dr Dawg when you stop by.

The Whacko - creation of the excellent Jeremy Crow, the Whacko suite of blogs covers everything and anything, and is consistently brilliant.

Adele Archer Writes - I always enjoy reading Adele's blogs, partially because she's in the UK like me (and we Brits are very much outnumbered!).  Heartfelt and with a standard of writing I can only dream of.

The Square Peg by S. Bradley Stoner - some lovely short stories here (at least I hope they're short stories and not true life, at least not the chilli eating one!).  He has a skill of writing conversations which are engaging and just something that I'm absolutely hopeless at!

Grandma Rose - I'm really drawn to Sheryl's blog, she seems like an old family friend which might be an odd thing to say about someone who I've never met and probably never will, but it's this sort of magic that I guess the Internet creates?  Go read her work :)

Good Little Indian - Ah, Rahul's blog, Rahul the ridiculously good blogger who uses social media the way it should be used, without automated tweets and actually engaging with people (yes, I do automated tweets and my engagement is... a development area, shall we say), he manages to take a topic such as "101 reasons to follow me on Twitter" and turn out a post which is actually well worth reading and I would hope has attracted more followers to him in the Twittersphere!

Christian Touchet - Christian does what I don't dare, and tells the truth.  Thought provoking, he speaks his mind extremely articulately. Every time I visit his blog I'm informed, and entertained - not an easy combination.

Lavender Inspiration - Nikki's lovely posts always make me smile - she dances in front of her children after all :)

Trina's Place - every day life blogs are my favourite type of blog, and Trina is great at picking at those fascinating details and bringing them to life, she manages to bring New Zealand that little bit closer.

Solsbury Hill - Mike Senczyszak is not only a great writer but also brilliant at photography, if a picture is worth a thousand words his photos are worth a million.  And he's Canadian, automatically giving him an extra five awesome points in my book.

The Gratitude Letters - I sometimes dream of writing something earth shattering, important, such a fantastic piece of writing, talking about how to live your life.  Then I realise that The Gratitude Letters are already here.  Beautiful writing that can make you a better person :)

Susan Joy Clark - Susan's blog I feel reflects my own, it's not all about a single topic, and I love how each post can be so different.

Blog of a Working Witch - I wouldn't dream (or dare) to miss off this list my mum's blog, I suspect that we both find out more about what each of us are doing through our blogs than by old fashioned talking! My parents have run their own business for fifteen years now, selling all kinds of weird and wonderful magical and new age goods by mail order (do stop by the Facebook page, it's well worth a Like, you get fun and interesting daily updates - today apparently is a good day for beer and fried fish!)

I apologise in advance to anyone that I've missed off this list, there's more bloggers than the above in my favourites and there's other great bloggers linked to on my blog, the simple fact is that I'm not as good at reading and keeping up with blogs as I should be, I spend far too much time drinking G&T's um, helping homeless children, yes that sounds good, to do anything else!

Well done for making it all the way to the end of this massive post :)

Are you keeping an eye on Jeff?

Just a quick post to say that if you aren't already, you ought to be checking out the Saving Jeff series on Life, Explained - robots, war, and a guy from Packing.  What more do you need.

And Bob, the Custodian, of course.

Read Part 1 - Jeff and the Tiny Killer Robot here, and then...
Part 2 - Jeff's Body Fights Back
Part 3 - The Battle For Jeff
Part 4 - Saving Shipping Guy Jeff
Part 5 - Dawg Turns On The Charm
Part 6 - We take the offensive in the Battle for Jeff

Excited?  I know I am.  It's like the England vs Russia match all over again.

Computer Dreaming

I don't know if I've already posted about this, but I had a go with Dreamdeeply.com, a website that uses Google Deep Dream to generate dream images from pictures you provide.  For example, it changed this:

A picture of me somewhere up Mount Dalsnibba in Norway

Something with loads of birds and spidery things?!?

And in honour of the upcoming debate behind me and Tim about our respective political systems (get involved - Saturday 19th of September 2015! He's getting a lot of US supporters lined up, and I need more bloggers to put forward the case for the UK!) here is a UK flag all dreamed up.

Google likes eyes.

Have you had a go with any of the websites running Google Deep Dream?  Or have you tried running the Deep Dream software on your own PC?  I'd love to hear what you created!

In other news - my latest Random Wikipedia Article is up

And if you like it stay tuned to my channel - more rock-wallabies to be featured in the future!

PM vs President - the showdown is coming!

And so, the latest transatlantic debate is announced.  Earlier today the one and only Mr Tim Clark of Life, Explained, and a fellow blogger on The Whacko, declared war upon not just our political process, but ultimately our very way of life* from the land of America, upon the home of all that is true, good, and mighty, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

And so, in two weeks, we will be extolling the virtues of our political processes, and the way that our democracy is operated, in the UK by a Prime Minister, the House of Commons, and the House of Lords, and in the US by.... well, I've no idea, but from watching NCIS I think there's a chap that goes by the nickname of "POTUS" and a lot of hard faced people in dark suits with sunglasses listening to ear-pieces (the kind that I've seen used to protect sandwiches)

So, stay tuned to my blog, and Tim's blog, and The Whacko, not to mention my YouTube channel (but don't watch Tim's videos because it'll have some sort of dog giving instructions on it) as we work up to the big day.

In the mean time, your comments and letters of support are welcomed, if you have a view that you think helps my argument as to why the UK's system is the best, drop me a comment or tweet me or do something, it'll make you feel all warm inside, kind of like how my liqueur coffee is making me feel right now.

(And if you think you might need a liqueur coffee, check out the decision tree.)

If you're a blogger, maybe you could do a blog giving your point of view on Saturday the 19th of September 2015 too - we could link up and all that kind of awesomeness.

For Democracy!

*Tim didn't actually declare war on either our political process or our way of life. But let's not let the truth get in the way of a good statement.

Book Fangirling Award

I wasn't going to blog tonight, but it's the eve of my thirty third birthday, so why not - let's make this happen!

So, I got nominated by my blogging friend Tim of Life, Explained for the "Book Fangirling Blog Award".  This is very nice, because I like to be nominated for stuff :)

Firstly, thanks to Tim for nominating me, it's much appreciated.

Secondly, I have to answer Tim's book-related questions.  Okay, here goes:


1. I have reread several books, just because I love them. Do you do that, if so which book have your read the most?
Yes I do, I tend to reread the same books even though there are loads of others that I want to read - it's something about how, if I just want to relax with a book, a book that I've already read is "easier" to read than a brand new one, which I tend to save for holidays.  I really don't know which book I've read the most, but it's quite possibly "The Man on Platform 5" by Robert Llewellyn, because it's a great novel.



2. Is there a time you think Fiction, no Non-Fiction? Sometimes I have to read something real.
Yes I agree with you there, for example if I'm on a train, probably going to/from a work meeting, if I'm not actually working (it might be that I haven't got my laptop with me, or I have but there just isn't room for me to work on it - I was coming back from London late on Monday, and even though I was at a table, the other 3 people around the table had loaded the table up with their stuff and there really wasn't room for me to get the laptop out) I prefer to read something like a newspaper, or a work-related magazine, because that's the mood I'm in, while if I've got half an hour on a weekend to read, it'll be a fiction book.



3. I love certain authors for the way they write, they way they can craft a sentence, a good sentence is wonderful. Do you have any books that you feel are just beautifully written, works of art?

Hmm... yes, I think the authors that I would attribute this to are Dan Abnett and Bill Bryson, both are, whilst very different, excellent writers who can come out with a fantastic turn of phrase. For Dan Abnett, Know No Fear springs to mind, its probably the one Horus Heresy book that I've reread the most. For Bill Bryson I struggle to think of a single book, but "I'm A Stranger Here Myself" was the first one I read and which hooked me into buying the rest of his books.





4. When I was young I bought a used book at a second hand store called "The Beast Regiment." it was great, and I haven't been able to find a copy since then. Do you have any ideas for me?


It's hard for me to say without knowing what "The Beast Regiment" was like, but for an enjoyable book I'd suggest (drawing on my last answer) "Neither Here, Nor There: Travels in Europe" by Bill Bryson. It's a few years old now but great to read.

5. Writing is personal, reading is solitary. But sharing a great book is such a joy. Do you think books are the beauty that can save the world?

Of course!  I think books are important even in this Internet-dominated world, because to read a book is to invest your time.  You can't skim through a book in a few seconds like you can a webpage, or even a YouTube video.



Now, I'm supposed to nominate some other people, and give them a list of questions, and I'm really sorry, but I'm not going to, because quite a few of the people that spring to mind have just had this nomination already.  Although I'm tempted to nominate Jeremy Crow anyway just to see what he does this time (see last time he got nominated here!)

Thanks for reading! :)

Award Nomination Answers

So, Adele Archer nominated me for some kind of award, maybe for being a beautiful blogger...

Or perhaps a Sisterhood of the World Blogger's Award...

Either way, I'm humbled and gratified to Adele to seeing fit to select me to answer her questions.  The rules of the nomination are as follows:

Rule #1 – Thank the person who nominated you. 

Rule #2 – Add the award logo to your blog (steal either logo as you see fit). 

Rule #3 – Answer the questions asked by your nominator. 

Rule #4 – Nominate three other bloggers. 

Rule #5 – Ask 10 different questions of your own.

For my nominations I would nominate Tim Clark of Life, Explained, Jeremy Crow of... well... lots of blogs which have the word "Whacko" in their title, and I'm also going to nominate Gemma Taylor of Attempting To Be A Domestic Goddess, who's been reading my blogs for far too long and still continues to do so :)

And here are Adele's questions, and my answers.

1. If you could only eat crisps or chocolate for the rest of your life, which would it be?

Crisps.  I love chocolate but it gets too sickly after awhile, whilst crisps don't and they come in different flavours.

2. Which superhero power would you choose (flying is prohibited)?

Time travel.  And screw all of that "no visiting your own timeline", I'd be showing up all the time to tell myself what to do.

3. Who was your most embarrassing celebrity crush?

Hm... the Spice Girls? Or Billie Piper, or Sophie Ellis-Bextor?  (Can't believe that I don't have my signed photo of Sophie Ellis-Bextor any more!) Take your pick!

4. Would you prefer to die of extreme cold or extreme heat (you can’t say neither)? 

Can I type neither? Technically I've not spoken it out loud!

If not, extreme cold I think - I understand that your metabolism just slows down and you fall asleep and don't wake up.  Sounds a lot more pleasant than dehydrating to death.

5. Starter or dessert (you can’t have both)?

Dessert!!!

6. Which ‘Friends’ character most closely resembles you (sorry if this sounds cheesy but this is a real psychological evaluation and will speak volumes about you. Probably)?

Chandler - I try to be funny and I work in an office.  Although I do like to try to be clever like Ross.

7. When you were a child, what was your first choice of profession?

Astronaut!

8. What epitaph would you like inscribed on your tombstone?

Come too close and this stone is going to fall right on your foot.

(and the stone would be booby trapped.  Note to future generations: make the funeral itself as cheap as possible and spend the money on a party)

9. What was the WORST book you ever read (if it’s mine, I’ll kill you)?

I honestly don't know - if a book is that bad, I'd stop reading it.  Sorry!

10. What is your least favourite word (mine is ‘moist’, just for an example)?

Celery.

-----

My questions for Tim, Jeremy, and Gemma are:
1. What is your favourite time of year?
2. What is your favourite place in the world?
3. What is your best memory?
4. What are you wearing?
5. When do you like to blog?
6. What (if you have one) is your middle name - and do you like it?
7. What's your least favourite animal?
8. What REALLY annoys you?
9. Favourite hot drink?
10. Tell me one interesting fact about you that people might not know.

Thanks!

Guest Post: Marriage

As I've got a bit of a busy summer (marriage and honeymoon awaits!) a few people have kindly volunteered to help me out with a few guest posts.  Today Tim Clark of Life, Explained, one of my favourite blogs of all time, has stepped up, and I felt it appropriate for Tim's blog to be posted as I'm getting married (unless something has hideously gone wrong!).  Thanks Tim!

---------------------

Photo:EscapesTD

Hello, Mike Raven, the owner of this blog is off on an extremely dangerous, potentially suicidal mission.  He is getting married.  Knowing the end is potentially closing in can be liberating, invigorating, and providing a sense of freedom, and fearlessness that is overwhelming.  Since Mike is feeling so cavalier about life, and living, he has agreed to let me write a blog post.  Hey, what does he have to lose?

It makes sense to write about marriage, since that is why I am writing this. Besides, I am kind of an expert, I am married after all, and have been for over twenty five years. To the same person, I can’t think of her name right now, it is right there, I can see it. Just kidding, I know her name.

Marriage is a sacred pact, a commitment, and it shouldn’t be joked about, too much, but a little sense of humor is a healthy addition to any sacred pact.  I am fairly certain the Egyptians would not have tried to conquer the world so many years ago if they had not taken everything so seriously.  A few jokes might have kept things civil enough to save a lot of lives.

Oh, sure they tried, a little.  Here is a typical joke from that time period.

“How do you stop a Nubian from charging?”

“Build a series of defensive fortress to the south, right along the border, and fill them with heavily armed soldiers.”

Obviously, the ancient Egyptians were expert builders, look at the Pyramids, and the Sphinx, but lacked the comedic timing and subtle word play to be truly successful. Marriage needs a little comedy to stay strong. A couple needs to negotiate, as well, give and take these are important skills.

Let’s look at the Star Wars trilogy, sextuplet, uncertain number of movies. If the Empire and the Rebel Alliance could have sat down over a nice breakfast, or lunch, and each side would have given just a little so much pretend tragedy could have been avoided.  Think of all the make believe lives that were lost as make believe cities, and fictional planets were destroyed across immeasurable fictional distances.  Think of all the money, trillions of whatever monetary units are used by the Empires and the Rebels, could have been used to make things better on Hoth, or Alderaan, or Kamino.  You see how important communication is to a marriage.

All kidding aside.  I raise my coffee cup and toast your successful life together.  I hope everything is sunny and wonderful for you and your family.

Football versus American Football - which is better?

For today's post I've linked up with Tim Clark over at Life, Explained, to compare the two sports, with each of us defending our chosen sport.  As a born and bred Englishman I am naturally defending football (aka soccer) whilst Tim champions the American spin-off of Rugby, American Football.

To my mind, it's pretty easy to defend.  Football is so much simpler to play, you don't need multiple layers of armour, or a "gridiron" (which I understand is actually two words, but for some reason the Americans have missed the space in the middle), and you don't even need an egg-shaped ball, the typical round sort (or a soda can at a pinch) will do fine.

And football can be tough, too.  This photo was taken after I took a knee to the face after one enthusiastic game.

Although I tell people that actually I got it by stopping a bus from rolling over a cliff by interjecting my face in the way.

And I think to be honest even the Americans secretly agree, if they don't then why did they manage to do better in World Cup 2014 than England?  Obviously it's because they have significantly increased the level of resources invested in the game, there can't be any other possible reason.

Honest.

I'd like to also signpost you towards my new video supporting football, which includes a number of example football plays, and I think clearly shows why football is the greatest game in the world.  It also involved me getting punched in the face which is well worth a look.

Do leave a comment to say if you agree or not (and why), and do check out Tim's blog on the subject to see which of us makes the better argument.

On me 'ed, son!

Coming up...

Enjoying the Blog of Thog?

Wondering what's coming up in future posts?

Well, we're planning a rather exciting transatlantic debate between myself and my arch-rival and nemesis Tim Clark at Life, Explained (actually he's very pleasant and an excellent blogger but telling you that isn't going to raise the tension) about football, and comparing american "football" to the real football, the beautiful game.  Jumpers for goalposts, afternoons in the park on a Sunday... all that sort of thing.  If you haven't already done so check out Tim's post about our plans.

But am I qualified to talk about football on behalf of the rest of the world?  Well, I strongly believe so, because:

a) I've played it
b) It was possibly invented in England (and I live in England)
c) It'll hopefully make for a half decent blog post

Stay tuned!

I'm writing a lot at the moment

I'm a geek.

To be precise, I'm a computer geek.

Not actually a very good one, I can fix computers but generally not very well, and I get stuck far too often to be a proper computer techie geek.  Nevertheless, I use computers a lot, and the vast majority of the time when I'm writing something, I'm typing it.  I'm one of those people that type up letters to friends and family and print it out rather than actually put pen to paper.  The rare time that I usually have to write a significant amount, for example in an exam, leaves my hand absolutely aching and begging to be put out of its misery,

Then I started the Travelling Book project.

And I now have a few books to write in.

This many.

And actually, slightly bizarrely, my hand seems to be holding up.  I'm preparing around 3 books a day - when I say preparing, I'm writing a page of guidelines inside the front cover, the title page, and the back page.  I still need to go back through the books and add in my piece about me, and then they will be ready to be distributed.  According to my spreadsheet, I have about 20 books confirmed to be sent out, hand delivered, or just left anonymously in odd places, so I hope to get these sent out by the end of August.  I am absolutely loving the project and am really looking forward to taking a huge pile of books to the Post Office for mailing around the world, as well as attempting to sneak into libraries and coffee shops and deposit a book, and get out again without being stopped.  I'm the kind of person that would never dare steal something simply because I would be so scared of being caught.  I managed to become scared just walking over one of these timber and rope bridges at the local park this morning because it rocks a bit when you walk over it.  So sneaking in and leaving a book will probably give me a similar level of excitement.

And I'll also say - Twelfth is a weird word!  Most of the numbers it makes sense, fourth, sixth, tenth, it's the word, plus "th" at the end.  Sometimes, where that doesn't quite work, a letter is taken out - nine become ninth, for example.

But twelfth?  Why isn't it twelvth?  I wrote "The Twelfth Travelling Book" in one of the books about half an hour ago (that gives you an idea how far I've got) and it really doesn't look right to me.

Now I've finished wittering about myself, go and take a look at Tim's blog, where he's talking about a psychological experiment with blocks and how people like to arrange them.  I appear to remember one at my work involving two teddy bears that kept being rearranged into questionable positions.  Tim's findings are much more wholesome, however.

The shot is fired...

In my last blog post I mentioned how Tim Clark of Life, Explained has kicked off a video production death match between the two of us.  Not being content with being the superior blogger, Tim is also looking to win on the video side as well, and started off the war with a very worthy animation about President Dawg.

Well, I have video editing software too Mr Clark, and here is my response!

Be warned - this video does include what some people could interpret as singing and dancing.

Badly.

In other news, the Travelling Book Project is entering its last week of funding before we move on to the next phase - making and sending the books out!  If you don't know what I'm talking about, get over to our new website now, find out all about the amazing international phenomenon of the Travelling Book Project, and please do consider sharing the project with your friends, and perhaps even supporting the project via our Indiegogo page.  Thanks!

The new website does appear to feature a death star, so all I can assume is that my design skills are equivalent to a nine year old geek.  Which is probably about right for my mental age.

I was going to write a blog post, but...

I made a website instead.

It's the new home of the Travelling Book Project, as the campaign for the project will end in 11 days (I can't believe how quickly time is going - almost halfway!) and I need somewhere to be the home of the project after the campaign ends.  www.travellingbook.eu will point to the new site in a few hours, but for now it still takes you to the Indiegogo campaign.

Actually, I do have something to blog about - I bought a rechargeable vacuum cleaner, as I need to go vacuum somewhere where there isn't electricity.  Had a look at the instructions when I got it back, and I'm very relieved that I learned from the instructions that you need to not only plug the vacuum into a power socket to charge it, but that the socket needs to be turned on as well.

Plug the adapter into a power socket AND turn the power on?!?  Easy tiger, almost lost me there.

I feel so relieved now that I know that.

Finally, Tim Clark over at Life, Explained has seen fit to challenge me to what he calls a "Death Match of Video Production".  I'm looking forward to it!

Facebook related multi media extraordinaire

I'M PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE... sorry, I left caps on.

I'm pleased to announce the launch of this social media explosion of posts and videos between myself and Tim Clark over at Life, Explained, about Facebook.  Yes, we've crossed the Atlantic Ocean (electronically) and social media channels to hit everyone everywhere about everything that we wanted to write about Facebook.

Facebook, in a world where every day a new app is announced or a new piece of hardware launched, is ten years old.  Ten years ago there wasn't iPhones, or any other smartphones (at least not in a format that we'd recognise), no app stores, again no real tablets...

And my hair was bigger

I apparently joined Facebook in October 2007, which roughly coincides with me getting together with my current partner, so I suspect that the relationship had something to do with me starting on Facebook.  And apparently my first status update was "pondering life" which is relatively deep for me as generally the only thing I ponder nowadays is if I can get a quick nap in before having to do something.  Or it was possibly me attempting to look deep and philosophical to a girl that at the time had recently completed a course on Philosophy.

Knowing me, that seems likely.

Facebook has changed a hell of a lot over time.  I remember when I first used it that the thing that stood out to me was how easy it was to use.  When setting your profile up, you could pretty much click on anything you wanted and type whatever you wanted and it'd accept it.

facebook.com is currently the second most visited website in the world (after Google), and shows little sign of losing its dominance on the Internet, with almost 1.3 billion active users, and that number continuing to grow.

Recently they've been hit by the news that they carried out psychological research on users without clearly telling them, and I wonder if I was one of the people selected.  I vaguely remember going on Facebook one day, and being asked me how happy I was on a scale of one to ten - I thought this was a slightly odd request, but I answered it and carried on reading my timeline.  I must admit that I can't say that I feel particularly upset or violated if Facebook did indeed involve me in their research (although if they do want to give me some compensation then of course it had a very real effect on me and I'd like payment via electronic bank transfer please), that said I am generally fairly oblivious to things that upset other people - I recall staying in a hotel room in Majorca one night, and seeing something scuttle over my suitcase.  It scared me for a moment, then I decided that I wouldn't be capable of doing anything about it anyway and so went to sleep.

I like sleep.

At any rate, this is indeed a multimedia explosion of Facebook-related social media stuff, so catch my video about the future of Facebook (which includes a genuine pretend video of what life will look like through Google Glass with a Facebook app) and get to Life, Explained for Tim's stuff there.

I also recommend the very straightforward way that Tim demonstrates, via the medium of animation, a comparison between Facebook and the world.  Thanks very much for stopping by if you've traveled over from Tim's excellent blog and I hope you've enjoyed today.  If you did, perhaps you may be interested in a warning about a vomit -repelling mattress.  Or, if you'd like to hear more about Facebook, here's some thoughts on its logical evolution.

Versatile Blogger Award nomination!

I am typing quite quickly at the moment, having dashed upstairs for a swift 15 minutes blogging during half-time of the France vs Honduras World Cup match - I didn't intend to watch it, but was quickly sucked in to the game and am waiting to see by just how many goals France will beat Honduras by, both teams are also quite... physical... shall we say, with some assertive tackling going on.

Anyway I digress!  I have been nominated by Tony Payson of The Writers' Bloc for a Versatile Blogger Award, which is very nice of him - thanks Tony!  Although I'm certainly not in the nature of blogging as a living or anything else (which is a good job as it does not form a large part of my income!) it is nice to know that people do look at my blog now and again, and more importantly think that it is of least vague interest.  I'd strongly recommend checking out Tony's blog.

Congratulations of course to Tony for his nomination, very well deserved.

In turn I would like to nominate the following blogs, which is nowhere near the 15 blogs I'm supposed to:

• Andy at BadDogGaming - Andy is an old friend of mine, participant in my World of Warcraft parody video, and a very funny and smart guy.  He tends to blog mainly about computer gaming, but also delves into other (often dog-related!) topics.
• Duncan at Nobodys Reading Me - Duncan is a brilliant writer, and very entertaining.  Someone I aspire to be in the fullness of time.
• Tim Clark of Life, Explained.  Tim in some ways I almost think of as a kindred spirit, as a producer of blog posts that I would like to, if only I had the talent Tim does!  Probably my most regular read.

And now I have to tell Tony 7 things about myself.  Well, I may as well say them here rather than just emailing him, or leaving a list on his doorstep (plus it's less effort to be frank), so here we go:

1. I was educated at home, with my first experience of formal education being 3 years full time at Hull College.
2. I can't swim.  I've never needed to swim, I do vaguely think that I ought to learn, in case I see a drowning toddler or something, but haven't got round to it.
3. I can't ride a bike.  This one I see less point for learning, yet I get more people telling me that I should ride a bike.  But I have legs, and if I need to travel further than is practical to walk, I also have a car.  I see little advantage for a different form of transport which seems more dangerous than a car, less comfortable and slower than a car, yet makes you sweatier than just walking.
4. I technically hold three degrees - a Foundation Degree in Information Communication Enabling Technologies (which is actually more like a HND) from the University of Lincoln, a Bachelors in Computing (Information Systems) also from Lincoln, and a Masters Degree in Construction Project Management from Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh.  I remember thinking once "who would be a doctor, and have to spend seven years studying", and then realising that between 1998 and 2012, I spent 12 of the 14 years studying.  Damn, I could be a doctor by now.
5. I dislike moldy fruit intensely.  Honestly - I absolutely hate it.  My other half can threaten to throw a moldy apple at me and I will run out of the room screaming.
6. And I scream like a girl.
7. Seventh thing?  I don't multi-task at home particularly well.  It's strange, when I'm at work I believe that I can multi-task when necessary (although I certainly prefer to focus on a single job at a time), but at home, if I'm doing something like cleaning the kitchen, and then have to stop to put the dinner on, I get really stressed because the kitchen hasn't been finished.  Very odd.

Thanks again to Tony for the nomination and I hope the folk that I nominated are pleased for theirs :)

More Liebster Award answers

So, I was nominated again for a Liebster Award, this time by J R Palmer of Attempting to be a Domestic Goddess - thank you!  I'm not going to do my own nominations and questions as I've recently done this on a previous blog, but here's my answers to the questions set to me by the domestic goddess:

If you won £/$1000  what would you spend it on?

Hmm... I would like to spend it on some new video editing kit or maybe a new computer, but I'd probably just put it towards bills (boring eh!)

What is your favourite singer/group?

This changes regularly, Pink, Steps, Alanis Morrissette, Psy, Charlene Soraia... at various times in my life I've listened to all of these hugely.  Steps is the most recent one, but as I write this I'm thinking that I haven't sung along to Alanis for ages...

If you had one wish, what would it be?

Guns. Lot of guns.

(Only joking - it would be for my family to be happy. Dull but nice!)

If you could meet anyone famous, dead or alive, who would it be?

Stephen Fry.  I love his work and his intellect, I bet he'd be brilliant company.

Why do you blog?

It's an outlet for my creativity.  And I guess in a way I feel "needed" because I do have people visiting my blog, and I like to entertain them.  Needed is too strong a word because if I stopped blogging overnight I doubt anyone would be really bothered, but nevertheless I like to feel needed.

If you could give something up for 24 hours,what would it be?

Fat absorption.

If you had the chance to move to any country, what country would it be?

Difficult to say as I haven't experienced the place yet, but Canada would be high on the list, probably either Toronto or Vancouver.  I can say that I had the most wonderful time in Paris (and sod what people say about Parisians being rude, almost all of the locals that I interacted with were great!) so it'd be one to consider.  Dublin is brilliant too but I don't know if I'd want to live there - I think the pubs would be too much of a temptation for me!

First car?

A 1986 Nissan Micra Collette.  I loved it.

First favourite pop singer or band?

First favourite - I remember getting my mum to buy me a Madonna album when I was very small.  But that was basically just because I knew her name.  I'd probably have to say Shaggy or 2 Unlimited.

What pop song would you not admit you liked?

I don't really go in for not admitting this sort of thing, I know that I have a dreadful taste in music!  2 Unlimited, Steps, B*Witched.... they're all great :)

Thanks again to the domestic goddess for the nomination.  Also, thanks to Tim and Jay for their excellent guest posts this last week while I've been away in a caravan enjoying the sunshine!  Thanks guys and if I can return the favour in the future let me know.

This was the vegetarian breakfast I had one morning while on holiday.  With extra bacon.

I've recorded three new videos this evening and am in the process of editing them so hopefully my YouTube channel will show some more regular activity in the weeks ahead, I've got an idea for a new regular video that hopefully I can do several times a week too so fingers crossed for that.

Vacation

Hi - I'm not nearby a computer for a few days, so fellow blogger Tim from Life, Explained has kindly volunteered to do a piece.  Tim's great and a very funny blogger, he's well worth checking out.

Take it away, Tim!


Hello.  Mike Raven is on vacation this week, and will not be able to return your calls.   Actually, I don’t know how long he is on vacation for, and whether he has a phone or not.  He seems to have some technical prowess, and sounds very bright, so he probably has some sort of communication device, but that is not what I am here to talk about.  I am here to discuss vacations (like Mike’s) and the best ways to get through them undamaged, sort of.

First there is the matter of diet.  It is too easy to overindulge while traveling.  Since you don’t have to clean up afterwards, or do dishes it is tempting to have three or four things at once.  “Give me a burger, a hot dog, a bratwurst, and pancakes, with a milk shake.”  That does sound good, but it will lead to an expanding waist line, and clothing budget, and unbearable ridicule from co-workers, friends, loved ones, and the people at the clothing store, smug, arrogant, thin philistines that they are.

A good way to counter this is to order a salad.  Green, leafy vegetables help keep the weight off, lower serum cholesterol, and help control hypertension.   Your rule of thumb should be one meal every day consists of a salad.  Following the one salad a day rule leaves you free to be a little more liberal with your other meal choices, steak, baked potato with extra sour cream and real butter, fried shrimp, and hot rolls fresh from the oven, steaming piles of noodles with melted cheese, and garlic butter, what an appetizer, I can’t wait for dinner, and dessert, oh man, could I tell you about desserts.

If you are a vacation veteran it is ok to call anything with lettuce a salad, a bacon cheeseburger, a bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich (lettuce and tomato that almost counts for two salads) a club sandwich, all of these are similar to the fountain of youth on bread.   You are getting younger by the minute.

With a little discipline there is no reason a smart person can’t come back from vacation healthier than when it began.  It just takes a plan and some will power.

In a spontaneous act of kindness and sympathy Mike has agreed to let me write a guest post for his blog.  The readers of my blog are so very grateful.  A little vacation for them as well, I hope they are enjoying the time off and eating wisely.