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| Thanks to LJ- for the image |
NEW
BOOTS!
It
was as documents go, small, restrained, brief even, not a 36 page
instruction manual embracing 999 thousand words and in all honesty I
really can't complain, such was its brevity.
A
bare two A4 sides of instructions, an utterly trivial 1,562 words
explaining the instructions, regulation, care, maintenance and use of
'A PAIR OF BOOTS!'
Now I
hate to blow my own trumpet but I really thought that I had mastered
'How to wear a pair of boots' long, long ago, I seem to think them go
on your feet?
Ah
not so easy, it is assumed in this day and age that anyone buying a
pair of boots may possess minus 'infinity intelligence', and all you
would ever need to know about boots, and a lot more besides, would
have to be spelt out to you, in great detail. What follows is but a
taster.
To be
honest, 'they' did assume that you knew how to put boots on your
feet, so what else did you need to know? Well for a start, you MUST
NOT clean the boots with Caustic Soda! (who in their right mind would
ever ..... ?)
Indeed,
when the boots are dirty, they insist that you must clean them
(without Caustic!), allow them to dry naturally - forced drying is
forbidden and you must store them in a cool, dry area when not in
use, and most certainly not expose them to impacts exceeding 200
Joules or compression greater than 15,000 Newtons.
Perhaps unlike
the average passerby in the street I do happen to understand a
smattering of scientific type weird shit (aka jargon) having worked in a
laboratory for twenty years, but precisely what in everyday terms a
compression of 15,000 Newtons relates to is quite beyond me.
A
falling brick? And from what height?
Oh
no, I'm confusing Compression and Impact, bother!
Other
fascinating information tells me that the upper leather and rubber
sole are guaranteed for 10 years!
And
that the 'manufacture' of the boots themselves is guaranteed for 3
years!?
(Deep
breath) The safety footwear (boots) comply with the EC Directive of
personal Protective Equipment (Directive 89/686/EEC) and meets the EU
standard EN ISO 20345:2011. It features Metatarsal protection - no,
I'm not making this up - Resistance to fuel oil and Resistance to
inimical environments! (What?)
So if
you find yourself in an Inimical environment, you had better know
where your Protective Equipment (Directive 89/686/EEC)/EU standard EN
ISO 20345:2011. boots are!
Oh
and you have to wear a sock - one sock per boot! I kid thee not ....
the boots aren't guaranteed if you don't wear socks!
Head over to www.facebook.com/RavenMagical for my parents mail order business offering all kinds of new age and weird and wonderful magical goodies! But, unfortunately, not boots.
Whats Caustic Soda lol Makes you wonder who is writing this stuff...I want that job:)
ReplyDeleteIt's some sort of nasty chemical, not sure what it's called in the US but check out https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodium_hydroxide
DeleteWow! I'm gob-smacked. I will never look at a pair of boots in the same way again ! Isn't our EU a wonderful institution... One sock per boot only. Gosh.
ReplyDeleteIndeed! There goes my new years resolution to wear four socks at all times.
Deletenobody has asked us for boots! How was I supposed to know boots might be entering the magical world in a stealthy way - with or without socks. Chris from the Raven Magical Emporium (and incidentally Mike's mother, which is why I never get to know ANYTHING)
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you mean! I get all my post delivered to your house, all that gets shared with you :)
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