|Picture courtesy of KlausHausmann via pixabay.com on a CC0 Public Domain license.|
It's Friday the 13th, which we all understand to be a dangerously unlucky day. (I'm hoping it's not, I'm hoping that it'll be very lucky as the EuroMillions jackpot stands at something like £91 million, which would buy a few beers)
According to Wikipedia (yes, I do my research) something like 20 million Americans stay at home on Friday the 13th, rather than risk go out and have something happen to them. Statistically there is actually some evidence that Friday the 13th tends to be a safer day, because people are more careful generally, and many stay at home.
Nevertheless, today's the day and you may need to try to survive it. What should you do?
5) Bring an axe.
Of course, you need an axe. Anyone who has watched a zombie thriller knows that should a zombie apocalypse take place (and there's just as much chance of it occurring on Friday the 13th as any other day) an axe with a long handle is essential for taking out zombies before they nip you.
4) Team up.
And you'll need someone to buddy up with, someone that can watch your back, especially if you need to do something particularly dangerous like walk under a ladder or fill your car up with petrol. I recommend someone with useful skills, for example a paramedic or fireman, or at the very least someone who can't move as fast as you so in the situation where you're attacked by a bear, you can outrun them and they get eaten first.
3) Find a good hiding location.
You don't know what is going to happen to you today, but it's wise to try to avoid danger. The bed is a good place to start - it's comfy, suitable for sleeping in (to regain nervous energy), and you can hide under it in case of an earthquake.
But all these preparations take a lot of effort. What next?
2) Order takeaway.
That's right, you need food. Good nutrition to keep you going. Don't go into the kitchen - people get burned, sliced open, slip over, and all kinds of nastiness in the kitchen. Did you know that one of the worst sources of bacteria is your friendly looking kitchen cloth?
Get your phone out, fire up Just Eat (other apps are available) and order yourself a pizza.
1) Get a Hot Water Bottle
That's right, a good old fashioned hot water bottle. It keeps you warm and toasty, provides a liquid to drink in an emergency, and of course should you be set upon by a zombie, you can stuff it in its mouth and while its confused by the rubbery goodness you can make a run for it.
I hope this advice has been valuable, but remember - don't have nightmares.
What would be your course of action to survive a Friday 13th? Drop me a comment!