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NATIONAL DEMON WEEK.
Can you spare, just £3
a month to keep a demon from the pits of hell safely bound in the
Raven Dungeon? (okay, under our bed)
For those who are hard
of thinking, this is indeed a joke! It was inspired by an advert on
the TV which asked people to sponsor a dog by making a small monthly
donation.
The doggie would be so
pleased, it would send you a photo of itself and write you letters
every month … Erm, no, I don’t think so. Some dogs are remarkably
intelligent but I believe that letter writing is beyond them. We do
actually support some animal charities and we are confirmed dog
lovers, but this particular advert made me wonder if there wasn’t
an element of ‘scam’ going on. You would need an awful lot of
‘just a few pounds per month’ to pay for that TV advert, and did
this amazing letter writing pouch actually exist at all?
In a flash the idea
came to me, how about asking people to sponsor a (completely
non-existent) demon from the pits of hell? For as little as a few
coins every month, we would keep the little begger constrained with
terrible words of power and bound within a magic circle (lesser
banishing pentagram etc). If it didn’t behave then dreadful and
awesome names of god would be intoned with erm, dreadfulness and
thing! (apparently, demons don’t care for this)
Send a few extra £ and
have your demon tortured!
As with the remarkable
doggie, your own sponsored demon would write to you every month.
Here’s a sample letter –
SSghhutthffff fant
gamon wrath psssss – nice human, pretty human, how niccccce of you
to keeps me here in the terrible darkness – Tthhrrfffg like you
human, yous if kind to me – thrrrrrgh know where you live kind
human, ahhhhh, soon your soul will be mine! Zimph thlank sssss - can
wait, soon you holiday in Nether hells with me, the lava pools full
of sweet music as souls swim frantically for the shore.
Your loving fiend
Tthrrfffg x x x
Well, if you’re going
to make a scam, make it a good one!
Feel free to check out my parents mail order business selling all kinds of weird and wonderful magical goodies at www.facebook.com/RavenMagical
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