NATIONAL DEMON WEEK.
Can you spare, just £3 a month to keep a demon from the pits of hell safely bound in the Raven Dungeon? (okay, under our bed)
For those who are hard of thinking, this is indeed a joke! It was inspired by an advert on the TV which asked people to sponsor a dog by making a small monthly donation.
The doggie would be so pleased, it would send you a photo of itself and write you letters every month … Erm, no, I don’t think so. Some dogs are remarkably intelligent but I believe that letter writing is beyond them. We do actually support some animal charities and we are confirmed dog lovers, but this particular advert made me wonder if there wasn’t an element of ‘scam’ going on. You would need an awful lot of ‘just a few pounds per month’ to pay for that TV advert, and did this amazing letter writing pouch actually exist at all?
In a flash the idea came to me, how about asking people to sponsor a (completely non-existent) demon from the pits of hell? For as little as a few coins every month, we would keep the little begger constrained with terrible words of power and bound within a magic circle (lesser banishing pentagram etc). If it didn’t behave then dreadful and awesome names of god would be intoned with erm, dreadfulness and thing! (apparently, demons don’t care for this)
Send a few extra £ and have your demon tortured!
As with the remarkable doggie, your own sponsored demon would write to you every month. Here’s a sample letter –
SSghhutthffff fant gamon wrath psssss – nice human, pretty human, how niccccce of you to keeps me here in the terrible darkness – Tthhrrfffg like you human, yous if kind to me – thrrrrrgh know where you live kind human, ahhhhh, soon your soul will be mine! Zimph thlank sssss - can wait, soon you holiday in Nether hells with me, the lava pools full of sweet music as souls swim frantically for the shore.
Your loving fiend Tthrrfffg x x x
Well, if you’re going to make a scam, make it a good one!
Feel free to check out my parents mail order business selling all kinds of weird and wonderful magical goodies at www.facebook.com/RavenMagical