And Now A Word From the Crow

I think we are all spending too much time with our DVRs and our On Demand to truly enjoy the finer things on television. The ridiculous commercials that need to be mocked early and often seem to go unnoticed in today’s day and age, and it scares me a little. To be honest with you it is the most important thing my father and I discuss when I go over and see him, and we can really chew them up. I mean you need to picture this in your mind; the new Oscar Mayer commercial for “Angus Beef Selects” comes on. It talks about what “other” hot dogs have in them, and this concerned mom with her spoiled little child sitting at the table as she puts that “All Angus” hot dog in front of him, and the first thing that comes out of my mouth is, “Because even black angus cows have lips and assholes!” My father lost his teeth on that one.

Of course regardless of which insurance company you use for your car, Geico commercials are a “stop the fast forward and watch” event. If you don’t then you really are missing out on water cooler humor, and that could get you shunned at work. At the same time there are some moral parameters to watching Geico commercials too. For example, Eddie Money is on his, God knows how many it has been now, “Fresh Out of Rehab” tour, and it is cruising through my state right now. They were talking about it on the radio, and how (probably paid to say this) they can’t wait to go see the Money Man over at the Hampton Casino. Every person that was standing in that line for that show, in the pouring rain, after hearing how they had to see him, obviously missed the Geico commercial. That one was painful every time it came on and I had to see the toothless old, lisping crack whore that Eddie Money became. Totally painful.

I know there are at least a million people who watch the Super Bowl, just to get their eyes on the newest and greatest commercials, despite the fact that they have sucked ass for the last decade or so. I still say the best ever Super Bowl as was the one with the voices of everyone from “Cheers” as pigeons, chasing down the Nissan to the soundtrack of “Top Gun” so that they could crap on it after it came out of the carwash. Seriously, if you have never seen it you have to look it up. That was of course back when Nissan was doing really good. You would think that they would get the hint, but unfortunately they never got the memo. Now when a car company comes out with a mildly interesting commercial everyone has to sit around and debate whether they were serious or not when “The Green Police” is playing in the background. Oh their serious folks and that’s why the commercial didn’t last that long.

Yeah the real reason people started wanting to skip commercials had nothing to do with not wanting to watch commercials if you ask me. It had to do with the realm of people that take themselves way too seriously. You see a Microsoft commercial and you just want to pluck your eyes out. You see an Apple commercial and you just can’t believe that things have to be dumbed down that much. Google really started closing the gap, just by making much better commercials for Android. If you don’t believe me I am watching some of the biggest idiots I personally know go out and get the new S6 and abandoning their iPhones. If you make a commercial to be entertainment then people will flock to it, and if you make it to be “artistic” like I think Microsoft does (but I don’t know it’s all crappy) or “simplistic” like Apple does (that’s got to be their thing I dunno) then it has all the pleasure of a trip to the Dentist’s office.