I've been challenged to write one of these "My Day" posts, which have been doing the rounds. Typically it's about a hipster-type who spends their day exercising, meditating, squeezing fresh orange juice from cows and doing something odd like having a curried Orangina to keep their energy levels up.
So, here we go.
3am: I wake up and think about the inevitable approach of death. Or biscuits. Biscuits are more likely, really. If I choose to glance at the bedroom door there is every chance that my son is stood there looking at me, and if I make any sign that I am awake he will jump on me. It's a great chance to practice my stealthiness.
3.10am: I fall asleep again.
5am: I wake up by being poked in the eye by a small child. I find this rapidly brings me to complete wakefulness far quicker than the stereotypical "waking up naturally", saving me precious time.
5.10am: I spend the next hour catching up with the world by going on fifteen different social media channels on my phone, one after another. On none of them do I have any notifications.
6.10am: I sit down at my computer for a session of creative writing.
6.25am: I realise that I've spent fifteen minutes looking at a blank Word document whilst playing Words With Friends on my phone. I mean to say that I've been sharpening my English language skills.
6.30am: I ruminate on what food to put in my packed lunch. I find packed lunches far healthier than whatever you can buy, and really gives you chance to include energy boosters like organic fruit, chia seeds, and quinoa.
6.35am: I've packed leftover pizza and a dodgy looking banana.
7.45am: Time to get those vocal chords into action! There's nothing like a good vocal warm up by screaming "GET DRESSED! SOCKS! SHOES!" over and over. I don't worry about the volume because I'm never heard over my sons tablet anyway.
8.30am: At work, full of energy and raring to go.
8.32am: My energy levels are dropping, so I get a vitality boosting bacon and egg sandwich. I add tomato sauce to help towards my five a day.
10.00am: Someone fetches me a scone. I always make sure to get a sweet scone (never savory) like dark chocolate and cherry. At this rate I've virtually had all the fruit and vegetables I need for the day.
1.00pm: I'm really tired. Time to boost my energy levels with coffee.
1.20pm: More coffee?
1.30pm: EVERYTHING IS FANTASTIC AND AMAZING AND I'M GETTING SO MUCH WORK DONE ITS UNREAL I THINK I'LL HAVE A COFFEE.
5.30pm: Work is over and I spend the drive home unloading my mind whilst eating a Crunchie.
6.25pm: Fall asleep in front of the TV.
7.30pm: Wake up. Rewind the DVD.
8.00pm: On an evening, when the brain is naturally less creative, I relax with a walk.
8.10pm: Funnily enough, whilst on my walk, I appear to find myself stood outside a pub. I do feel that it's so important to support local enterprises.
11.55pm: KEBabs r 'mazing gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
12:40pm: Howw do u work the lock in teh front dorr?????? Askin 4 frend. xc
I hope that the above is of use to you, I am available for the delivery of seminars and workshops at a very reasonable rate on the topic of how to change your life. Not necessarily for the better, that's why my rate is so reasonable :)
