Showing posts with label raven corvus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label raven corvus. Show all posts

Monday, 29 June 2015

Guest Post - Black It Was!

Today's guest post from my dad regales us of the time he cooked something.  To be fair he does a lot of cooking, and barely on a weekly basis does something ignite.


I burn stuff too - like this chopping board.


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BLACK IT WAS!

A ‘black’ black mind you, indeed picture a ‘black’ black if you will, jet black a-smothered in soot and hidden deep in the bowels of a mine in the middle of a dark moonless, starless night, with the lights out, blackout curtains fitted as standard, doors locked and bolted as viewed by a blind person wearing sunglasses.

The frying pan t’was that sort of black – and the lid of the frying pan was of similar ilk!

I was alerted to the erm ‘issue at hand’ by the smoke and stench of burningness in the kitchen.

Being of sound mind and realising that impending doom was all but upon me in the shape of my wife Christine, I asked her to open the front door to let some air in and closed the kitchen door with me inside and scurried the flaming frying pan outside using a thick towel for insulation.

Note to knee-jerk smart arses everywhere – none of whom are present - I am quite certain, No, the correct thing to do was NOT call the fire brigade, or place a wet towel over the pan of fire.

There was barely 2 gm of oil in the pan – NOT 12 gallons of furiously combusting oil threatening to burn the house down!

Outside the birds sang and early morning sounds wafted gently around, and the over-warm frying pan complete with decorative flames was deposited on my log pile, which I hasten to add had been furiously rained on only the previous day, and was therefore most unlikely to also burst into flames and burn the rest of the estate to the ground.

Hot on my heels of course was Chrissy, hastening to erm, watch furiously over a situation already well under control and exacerbate any undeveloped hysteria, running up and down and associated frenzy.

Yes, the house needed fresh air to chase the smell away, otherwise things were alright.

Oh yes, the pan needed a good cleaning afterwards.

WARNING!

HAVE YOU JUST HAD A COOKED BREAKFAST?

BEWARE, THE KITCHEN COULD BE ON FIRE!

This message is brought to you by ‘Note to Self, Health and Safety Initiative inc.’

Erm, okay, I forgot to turn the hot plate off, it’s easily done.



Feel free to check out my parents mail order business selling all kinds of weird and wonderful magical goodies at www.facebook.com/RavenMagical

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

And lo...

Today we have a guest blog from my dad, about feeding dogs raw meat.  I probably need to give some disclaimer at some point - um, okay.  I am in no way instructing you to feed your animals raw meat, in case something bad happens.  And I'm sure vets are very good.  This post is included for its entertainment value.  Which is considerable.

That being said, if you are on the look out for some decent Christmas/Yule presents, I'd recommend heading over to my parents Facebook page, and giving them a message asap with your postal address and a request for a free catalogue.  They do all kinds of weird and wonderful stuff, like gemstones, jewellery, incense, charm bags, moon diaries, candles, totem stones, books... the list goes on and on.  They're mail order only (well okay you can ring them and order) and there is just the two of them running the business, so if you want something unusual and unique as a present for someone you'd best off get a catalogue as soon as possible and get ordering!

Dad - over to you!

Greetings dear reader, I trust you are well. On occasion in the past I may have regaled you with tales wild and varied, of violent awakenings of a befuddled soul fresh from their bed standing in something unmentionable before the sun has risen upon the day, or have read of the home truths of hairy canines, who be they beautiful, lovely, loyal and loving, are all at one in the same time, still dogs! And on this occasion a unique occurrence presented itself to the writer of tales so I bid thee be of good and hearty spirit, and prepare for amazement …

And lo, the wolves didst look up the sheep of many heads, and the sheep didst gaze back at they, as only the silent dead can do, and the wolves were confounded, and they did look to one another in bewilderment, and then did turn their eyes to their mistress as if to say “What the?”

So it was that one of the breeders pups had eaten a plastic bag with dire consequences – Colitis. In essence, it was crapping blood persistently and far from well. The vet recommended steroids for possibly the rest of its life, a diagnosis of considerable benefit to their bank balance (there’s nothing like guaranteed repeat business, right?) The breeder, who knows more about her breed than probably any vet alive and most other people in the world, knew well enough that the poor creature would not develop properly if kept on steroids – sometimes these drugs are unavoidable, but you need to be off them as soon as possible - so another answer was needed.

Much research and talking with other canine experts in many far flung countries was done and an unusual answer was suggested – raw meat, or rather raw carcasses.
The pup really didn’t want to eat its normal food which is cereal based and so in for a penny etc, raw chicken wings were offered to the dog. Amazingly the pup was more than interested and devoured the wings. The breeder knew full well that bitches who have just recently given birth do well with raw chicken to help them recuperate, and that the new mum’s always try to offer the carcasses to their new pups, which seems a little odd … but maybe they instinctively know what is best?

So this was the food for several days and amazingly the bleeding ceased. After some time the cereal diet was tried again but this brought a resumption of bleeding and was quickly stopped. Apparently the cereal diet caused bleeding, but raw bones and meat didn’t?! An unexpected but a welcome outcome.

Further research suggested that raw carcasses are indeed recommended for this breed of dog (Rough collies) and to cut a long story short, a supplier of chicken carcasses was found and now all the dogs at the kennels (around 30 at present) eat the new diet and to excellent effect. An unexpected side effect is that all dog’s are now worm free and without any form of ‘worm doom’ treatment. Apparently the diet changes the pH balance of the stomach and worms don’t thrive in such conditions. Not what one would have expected, but all to the good.

All most excellent, all dogs now eat chicken carcasses and also tripe, and love it to boot.

But what of sheep’s heads?

Ah well, it only seemed right that the search was ongoing for variations of food carcasses and upon visiting a trade butcher known to the breeder, she was delighted to see sheep’s heads for sale. They were a bargain I must tell you, less than £1 each, and she did speak with the butcher and ask for some sheep’s heads.

Certainly madam, how many would you like (he thinks, she will want one, for a laugh)

Twenty six please.

Certainly madam, erm twenty six? What are you going to do with them?

Feed them to the dogs!

Picture if you will, these are sheep’s heads. Take a sheep, remove the head part and that is what you have got – fur, eyeballs, horns, the lot!

Some time later twenty six sheep’s heads arrived at the breeders and she took them to the dog’s enclosure and ‘deposited’ them. And lo the dog’s were amazed!

And they did look at the sheep’s heads, and the sheep’s heads did look back at them. And the dog’s looked at the breeder as if to say “What the?”

The breeder did wonder if there was going to be a pile of rotting heads in the enclosure thereafter. The dog’s sniffed the sheep’s heads, prodded them, and looked about as if not knowing what to do.

The breeder went to bed a-wondering which colour wheelie bin was most appropriate for disposing of twenty six sheep’s heads.

But amazingly, the curious canines continued to ‘investigate’ the strange arrival in their compound, and the following morning when she went to the enclosure, of sheep’s heads there were none to be seen! Jaw bones, horns and the occasional bit of wool being blown about. All else had vanished completely, tongues, brains, eyeballs, skulls, the lot!

And yes, the dog’s are fine!

Stirred on by the wondrous tale we decided to buy ourselves a chicken and, well chop the bits off that we wanted – breasts and legs – and offer the remains to our two fluffy creatures Maeve and China.

Dad and dogs.  I'm fairly certain the only way he got them both to sit like this was with food.

Maeve, looked at us as if to say “Eh?” She sniffed, prodded, mouthed a small piece …… tried to be attentive as she could, as this was obviously her main meal of the day, but no … what, you expect me to eat it?!

China is a different sort of creature. When she found that she had been given half a chicken carcass she gathered it up and disappeared to find somewhere secluded to eat her prize. We have never known her do this ever before, but hey, apparently this was her birthday and she loved her ‘pressy’.
A few bare minutes later she came back downstairs from the bedroom and took intense interest in the delicious offering which Maeve was ignoring. In an effort to help Maeve along I chopped up all her carcass into bite sized pieces, which was a complete waste of time, no way was she eating that rubbish.

China looked pleadingly, she knows full well that she isn’t supposed to steal Maeve’s food and she looked genuinely surprised when we said “Go on then China, you can have it!”

A few short minutes later every morsel had vanished, the plate licked clean and a very happy dog settled down on the sofa.

And she was fine, no problems of any kind; we haven’t seen China so happy for a long time


NB Apparently chicken carcasses are ok for dogs but they must be raw – cooking makes the bones brittle and likely to shatter into sharp pieces.  

Monday, 19 August 2013

I tried to defect!

I've had enough.

I've tried for so long to work with Google Chrome.  But I can't put up with it any more.

I love Google Chrome.  I find it more responsive than Internet Explorer, I prefer the user interface, it's by far my preferred browser.  But it has a bug in it.

You see, Chrome comes with a copy of Adobe Flash Player built into it.  If you don't know what Flash is, basically it's a type of code used all over the Internet, best known in the area of animations, sounds and videos, but has spread to do other stuff too.  If you don't have a Flash Player in your internet browser, you'll have problems.

But the problem with Chrome is that it, as well as having a copy of Flash built in, it installs another copy, and the two conflict.

A lot.

As a result, generally what happens is Chrome freezes, and then goes on to freeze my PC, requiring a reboot.  And I've just had enough of it.

And yes, I know the "fix" is to go into chrome://plugins and disable one of the Flash plugins.  I can't get it to work, regardless of whichever one I disable.

So I went to good old Internet Explorer, and put the thoughts of Chrome behind me.

For about two days.

Back on Chrome.

In other less geeky news, my son hasn't been too well this week - he's had a bad cold so we've been dosing him up with a variety of medicines, from an inhaler to antibiotics to ibuprofen and paracetamol.  But of course when he's feeling really sick the last thing he wants is to take medicines.  On Monday we tried to bribe him with chocolate so he would have his ibuprofen.  He actually gave the chocolate back, and I'm sure if he'd had the vocabulary he would have accompanied it with "I might like chocolate, but I'm not going to pay that price!"

What else? Well, I have an insane amount of books to sell, so if anyone wants a huge pile of books, mainly in fairly decent condition, let me know.  Lots of sci-fi, warhammer 40k, quite a few vampiry ones (those are my other halfs let me assure you), some funny books... I've made the decision to sell off my books and make the move to e-books.  There isn't a logical reason to keep the books when I can get the ones I'm actually going to read online, and then access it from whatever phone or tablet I have with me.  I've tried using a variety of online book selling systems, but they all seem to give me rubbish prices for them - I realise that I'm not going to get full price for second hand books, but 50p for a virtually new book (eg read once) that sells for £10 seems too low.  If it was a £1 I'd go for it, but 50p is just too slow.

And keeping on the topic of books, my mum has just written a new one all about Halloween - it's got Halloween games in it, stories, all kinds of stuff about the Samhain festival.  If you want to find out more head over to their Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/RavenMagical) - if you send them a message on Facebook with your postal address they'll send you a catalogue (they operate in a mail order format) and you even get a free gift with your first order!

Sunday, 23 June 2013

Using an ATM aka an "Hole In The Wall"

Hi!

There appears to be some confusion as to how to use an ATM, as whenever I go to use it I'm inevitably stuck behind someone who takes approximately a week to prod buttons, insert cards, and generally mess around.

Step one: As you approach the ATM, have your card ready.  Don't wait until it's your turn to rummage around in your wallet/purse/carrier bag to find it.
Step one: Again, before it's your turn, decide how much money you are going to withdraw before you actually reach the ATM.  Remember the card goes chip side up, with the chip end first into the machine.
Step two: When you actually get to the machine for your turn, the moment the machine is ready to accept your card, insert it.
Step three: Enter your PIN number.  Hit the enter key if it asks you to.
Step four: Ignore all of the options - you are allowed to pick either Cash, or Cash with Receipt.  This is an ATM, not an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant.
Step five: Choose how much money you want.  Preferably pick one of the standard options instead of typing in the exact amount you want, it's quicker.
Step six: Take your card, then your money.
Step seven: Leave.  Do not put your card & money into your wallet/purse etc until you are out of the way and the next person can use the ATM.

In this way you can complete your usage of the ATM in about 20-25 seconds, unlike the average of around forty minutes which it seems to take whoever it is in front of me.

To be fair it's partially the fault of the ATM programmers - ever since they made it possible to top up your phone or pay your newspapers via the ATM it tempts people to spend more time using them (hence Step four) and I accept that you might not want to do step seven if you're worried about being mugged, but in that case have your wallet etc ready to put the money in as soon as it comes out of the machine.

My parents have started a new blog for their business at http://ravenmagical.blogspot.co.uk/ - they've been running a Facebook page for a while (www.facebook.com/RavenMagical) which has been going really well and I strongly recommend - it isn't the usual type of business facebook page, they fire you off a little bit of information about today and what special day it is, for example the 19th of June was "World Sauntering Day" which sounds to me more like something that should be done over thirty hours rather than the usual twenty four.

Anyhow, my mum wanted somewhere to put longer pieces of text up for people to read, hence the blog was born.  If you are in the UK and are interested in their selection of weird and wonderful magical supplies, remember they send a free catalogue out - probably simplest is to contact them by sending a message via Facebook with your postal address.  I believe that you also get a free gift token to use with your first order!
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